Moms. Definitely moms.
The quiet game? A mom at the end of her rope on a car trip.
"The floor is lava!" was started by a mom who had just vacuumed the floor for the THIRD time before her mother in law came into town.
Counting down from 5.... No one knows why it works but many moons ago some mom was so mad she just started counting backwards to buy herself time to come up with a really great threat and the kid complied for no apparent reason.
"I'm going to beat you!" No...this did not just take a dark turn. It's the way parents get their children to hurry the hell up whether it be putting on shoes or walking. Kids have two speeds: racing and sloth.
"A little dirt never hurt" came from a mom who could NOT wash that paci ONE. MORE. TIME. This then spiraled out to scientific "evidence" that immunity is built through these experiences when she called her friend Jennifer who works in the science field in order to keep the sanctimommies outta her grill.
"See you later, Timmy!" This tactic to get your child to follow you came from a mom legitimately saying she had had enough of his temper tantrum and was leaving him...but that little booger followed her. I guess that works, too.
The 5 second rule was invented through "Go ahead and throw that food on the floor. You're going to eat it anyways." It was recoined in order to sound a little less Beast ("Go ahead and STAAAAAAAAARVE!!!").
"I'm going to steal your broccoli!" Reverse psychology at it's finest. There's nothing little Kimmy wants more than something she can't have.
"Fresh air is good for you" and you having less energy is good for me.
Moms, do whatcha gotta do to survive. Future generations will thank you for your ingenuity.
welcome to my mess
I've always dreamed of being one of those moms who makes Bento Box lunches with artisan sandwiches cut out into cute shapes along with carrot sticks and grapefruit that my perfect children will gobble up, but I am fairly certain my child is going to end up with a package of deli meat and a Snickers bar. I can barely get myself ready in the morning and I once screwed up a grilled cheese maker. Who knew the top part of the grilled cheese maker also heated up? Spoiler alert: everyone. I'm not sure who decided I was capable of raising a human, but they handed her off to me anyways and I love her more than I can begin to explain. However, love isn't magic--despite what Disney claims. I cannot suddenly wake up without 46 snoozes or manage my time well enough to have the opportunity to use conditioner in my hair. I'm still me. I just have a cute mini-me now. I have a master's degree in education and a participation award for adulting. Please follow me on my journey and give me a wave if you ever end up on the struggle bus with me. I also frequent the hot mess express, and I check my email on occasion. Wherever you run into me, just know I woke up like this. No, seriously...I didn't have time to do anything else.